is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
