I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
