my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
