sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
