Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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