it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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