I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
