it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
