i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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