she was so not down for the gang bang
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
