im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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