Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
