i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
