I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
