one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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