Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
