ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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