is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
