It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
