would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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