one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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