Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
