so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you told grandpa to call you daddy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
