I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
