once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
