dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am mentally ready for anal.
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