I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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