i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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