Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Boobs speak an international language.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
