Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
