How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
