The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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