The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
