no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
