If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
