i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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