i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
