I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
