But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
