Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
