I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
