Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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