We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
