so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
