I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
