I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
