Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
