we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
