I wish I only lived at night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
