we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
